Some Words: Why can't I just put a book down?

I have many flaws as a human being, but one that really only affects me (well - sometimes my husband, when I complain about it) is that I cannot put down a book once I’ve started it. No matter how rough it gets, I feel compelled to finish the whole thing.
And it’s not just standalone books. If I start a series, I will - eventually - read every last installment. 

This leads to some pretty frustrating weeks when a book just isn’t working for me. Instead of taking a break or setting it aside, I force myself to push through. What should be a few enjoyable evenings turns into a nightly slog where I’m struggling to read five pages before giving up. Worse, I procrastinate by scrolling my phone, which only drags the whole experience out even more.

This is on my mind because I'm struggling with my current book. It's a series that started out with a bang and, now, it's a complete mess. Instead of doing the smart thing and putting it down, I keep chugging away one chapter at a time. What makes it worse is knowing there’s at least one more book coming. And I already know myself well enough to admit that I’ll read that one too. I’m already dreading it, which feels ridiculous. Reading shouldn’t be a chore you suffer through out of obligation.

This is exactly why I’m always telling people to read what they want. There are so many books in the world - lyrical books, weird books, emotional books, comforting books - books that will speak directly to you. Pick those. Pick the ones that light you up at that moment of your life.

I’m not totally sure why I’m like this. The closest explanation I have is that I’m a completionist at heart. I like finishing the whole of a thing. My brain gets itchy when there are loose ends. Even if a book isn’t resonating with me, I can’t shake the feeling of “but what if…” until I see it through. Those dangling threads take up way too much mental space - space I could absolutely be using elsewhere.

​I wish I were better at letting books go. Maybe one day I’ll get there.
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For now, though, if I start it… I’m finishing it.

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